Truth, Reconciliation, Voices
The hours are small, and I'm out here pacing around my all-electric designer truck that was supposed to be the future of, you know, new masculine automotive technology with a green deal feel, etc. Feeling reminded of how fucking lucky I am.
And that old refrain that doesn't serve anyone and I can scold my clients for but can't stop from echoing in my own head: what the fuck do you have to complain about?
That tired chorus grown rhetorical, that regressive question, that cold reception to human pain that we blast directly into our own bodies all day long.
Forty-seven years old and what do I have to say about progress? Progress means to not be mortally wounded by the ugly cacophony of clashing voices inside my own system day in and out. And the most I can say is that now I can see them. Now I can perceive them. Now I understand some of the mottos they chant for their desperate philosophies. Now I can identify them (sometimes) and I can perform the fact that they are not me. I can speak second person to and for them because I've been doing that my entire life, in public or private, despite the eyeballing. This ongoing, group throw-down lives aloud - which nobody ever told me was actually quite odd, or pathological, or wonderful, or anything at all.
I think healing is about truth and reconciliation between the voices in our heads or in our nervous systems, whether those voices belong to parts of us that had to grow reactive or violent or fake or people-pleasing or deferential or whether those parts said: Go and get a bottle now throw everything in your truck and leave. It's a good idea if you wanna stay alive to duck under that bridge on your way home. The parts that show me my death on my motorcycle, wildly spliced, impressive and graphic.
Real healing is about a truth and reconciliation process that we're called upon to carry out between the warring factions that we carry inside of us. As for the cruel or mocking or shaming voices that we hear, the kind of comment that just fucking sullies up a beautiful sunny afternoon sitting by a lake, that invasive whip crack, that vicious shame-monger, whatever it is for you.
What are you doing with your life?
Some of those voices don't belong to us at all — and the good news is we get to send those back to where they belong. But only if we're willing to actually believe that we are the ones that can lead the monumental summit of truth and reconciliation inside of our own bodies, nervous systems, and psyches. By telling, revising, and completing for the world - to love or to judge - Our Stories.
I’m here for you all along the path of telling, revising, and completing your story.